The Knights of Banjo Hollow

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The Knights of Banjo Hollow

How to Talk Hick

Being a member of a bluegrass/gospel band, you right better learn some Hick. Below done be a sample of Local Standard Hick in action:

Grits: Howdy! How is ya?
Jeebs: Mighty fine, I reckon. How is things with you?
Grits: Mighty fine as well, sir.
Jeebs: Why, we done had a ho-down last Saturday night. Where was ya?
Grits: I was down by the river prayin. I've been feelin right thankful to the Lord lately.
Jeebs: We, too, Brother. Why not pray at our communal prayin time, and come to our gospel ho-downs, too?
Grits: Hwai, that sounds mighty fine, Uncle Jeebers.

Aside from your regular "I is" and "those is" subject-verb agreements, Hick comes with lots of bright, colorful idioms sure to put a smile on your sun-burned face. Here are a few examples for your enjoyment.

Babylonian English

Local Standard Hick

Golly! Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!
He's a hipocrite. He's all hat and no cattle.
I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't criticize every minute detail of my argument, sir.
Stop pickin the fly poo outta pepper.

That's really wonderful.
Ain't that the berries!
Wow, you sure get to sleep early.
You done go to bed with the chickens.

And here's a short dictionary of single words in proper southern english:

Pronunciation: 'Ant
Etymology: contraction of are not
Date: 1778
1 : am not : are not : is not
2 : have not : has not
3 : do not : does not : did not -- used in some varieties of Black English

Function: Verb
To pressurize or inflate. Example: "Air-up your car tires before you go on a long trip."

A larking
Function: Verbal phrase
Originates from the word "lark" which means to engage in harmless fun or mischief. To go a larking means to play a prank or joke on someone.

All y'all
Etymology: Intensive form of y'all
This usage states "you all" more emphatically. For example, saying "I know y'all," would mean that one knows a group of people; saying, "I know all y'all" would mean that one knows the members of the group individually.

Arkansas toothpick
Function: Noun
A large knife.

Arkansawyer, Arkansan, Arkie
Function: Adjective or noun
1: A resident or native of Arkansas.
2: Referring to a resident or native of Arkansas.

Bowed Up
Function: Colloquialism
Marked by impatience or ill humor . Refers to the way a snake bows up his head before he strikes.

Bread Basket
Function: Colloquialism

Function: Adjective
Askew. Example: The storm knocked the boat cattywampus and it started to take on water.

Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
Function: Colloquialism
A person capable of doing many things.

Darn tootin'
Function: Colloquialism
For sure. Correct. "You're darn tootin', that is oil."

Egg on
Function: Verbal phrase
To urge to do something. Example: "He only did it because the crowd egged him on."

Function: Verb
To calculate, consider, conclude or decide. Example: "He hadn't figured on winning the lottery."

Fit As A Fiddle
Function: Colloquialism
In good shape, healthy.

Fit to be tied
Function: Colloquialism

Function: Verb
To get set : be on the verge Example: We're fixin' to leave soon.
Function: Noun
Customary accompaniments. Example: We had a carrot dinner with all the fixins.

Function: Noun

Grab A Root
Function: Colloquialism
Have dinner. "Root" refers to potatoes.

Grits (Hominy Grits)
Function: Noun
Hominy or plain corn that's been ground until it has the consistency of coarse sand. It's used as a side dish, a breakfast cereal, or as an ingredient in baked goods.

Etymology: probably from Flemish hankeren, frequentative of hangen to hang; akin to Old English hangian
Function: Noun
A strong or persistent desire or yearning -- often used with for or after. Example: I have a hankering for fried okra. I've really been craving it."

Function: Noun
A large quantity. Example: Billy got into a heap of trouble when he stole his dad's car.

Hear tell
Function: Verbal phrase
A form of "hear it told." Often conveys that the information was passed second hand. Example: "I hear tell that the new mini-mall is going up next month."

Pronunciation: 'hO-"kAk
Function: Noun
Date: 1745
A small cake made of cornmeal.

Pronunciation: 'hä-m&-nE
Function: Noun
Etymology: Virginia Algonquian -homen, literally, that treated (in the way specified)
Date: 1629
Kernels of corn that have been soaked in a caustic solution (as of lye) and then washed to remove the hulls.

Horse sense
Function: Colloquialism
Smart. Example: She has horse sense. She'll make it in business.

Pronunciation: 'hau-dE
Function: Interjection
Etymology: alteration of how do ye
Date: 1712
Used to express greeting.

Hush puppies
Function: Noun
A Southern food made with cornmeal. They are small, round balls of cornbread and spices that are deep fried and often served with carrots. These were originally fed to dogs to quiet their begging at the table.

Hunkey Dorey
Function: Adjective
Everything is great.

June bug
Function: Noun
Date: 1829
Any of numerous rather large leaf-eating scarab beetles (subfamily Melolonthinae) that fly chiefly in late spring and have larvae that are white grubs which live in soil and feed chiefly on the roots of grasses and other plants -- called also june beetles.

Laying out [all night]
Function: Verbal phrase
Staying out all night, often drinking of doing something illicit. Example: "I was laying out at the bar last night so I had a hangover."

Lazy man's load
Function: Colloquialism
A lazy man's load is an unmanageably large load carried to avoid making more than one trip. This colloquial phrase is often used to indicate that someone is too lazy to think properly. Example: 'Sam took a lazy man's load of groceries out of the car and ended up spilling them all over the sidewalk."

Lickety split
Function: Colloquialism
Very quick.

Like to
Function: Adverbial phrase
Almost. Example: "I like to pee my pants when that car hit me."

Function: Adverb
Almost. Example: "I nearabout ran over that squirrel in the road."

No 'count
Function: Contraction
Of no account; good for nothing.

Function: Verb
To nurse. Example: "She nussed the sick dog to bring it back to health."

Okie or Sooner
Function: Noun
A resident or native of Oklahoma.

Function: Noun
A green, cylindrical vegetable that is often fried in the South.

Pronunciation: 'or-n&-rE, 'är-; 'orn-rE, 'ärn-
Function: Adjective
Inflected Form(s): or·neri·er; -est
Etymology: alteration of ordinary
Date: 1816
Having an irritable disposition.

Out of kilter
Function: Colloquialism
Not right. Out of sorts. Example: John was out of kilter for a while when he was relocated to New York."

Pack or Tote
Function: Verb
To carry.

Function: Adjective
Concerned over or attentive to details : meticulous.

Function: Noun
Relatives, kinfolk. Example: "Shelly went to see her people on vacation."

Function: Adjective
Small or inferior. Example: "His work only gave him a piddlin' 1% raise. Function: Adverb
Poorly. Example: "She felt piddlin' so she didn't go to school."
Function: Verb
To waste time. Example: He spent all his time piddlin' and never got anything done."

Poke, Pokeweed, Poke Salad
Function: Noun
A type of salad often eaten in the South. Pokeweed can be toxic if not chosen and prepared properly.

Function: Adjective

Function: Noun
A doll.

Function: Verb
Etymology: Middle English rekenen, from Old English -recenian (as in gerecenian to narrate, akin to Old English reccan
Date: 13th century
1 : Count Example: To reckon the days till Christmas 2 : to regard or think of as : Consider 3 : Think, suppose Example: "I reckon I've outlived my time -- Ellen Glasgow"

Function: Adjective
Very. Example: "You're right near the street you want to be on."

Function: Transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): riled; ril·ing
Etymology: var. of roil
Date: 1825
To make agitated and angry : Upset
Function: Verb
Form of rather.

Scarce As Hen's Teeth
Function: Colloquialism
Rare or scarce.

Sho 'Nuff
Function: Contraction
Sure enough.

Function: Noun
A movie.

Function: Verb
To remove the outer covering of a nut, corn or shellfish.

Function: Verb
Run, scatter.

Slap your pappy
Function: Colloquialism
To pat your stomach.

Snug As A Bug
Function: Colloquialism
Comfortable, cozy.

Function: Noun
Etymology: alteration of darnation, euphemism for damnation
Date: 1790
Used to indicate surprise, shock, displeasure, or censure.

Tarred and Feathered
Refers to the practice of tarring and feathering people who committed small crimes such as distilling in colonial America (and in England). Today, it is often used to denote great suprise. Example: "I'll be tarred and feathered, that dog just flew!"

Tore up
Function: Adjectival phrase
1: Broken. 2: Upset. Example: He was tore about wrecking his new Corvette. Tote
Pronunciation: 'tOt
Function: Transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): tot·ed; tot·ing
Etymology: perhaps from an English-based creole; akin to Gullah & Krio tot to carry Date: 1677
To carry by hand : bear on the person

Function: Noun
A long line on which short lines are attached, each with a hook, for catching catfish. Some times mispronounced as trout line.

Function: Verb
Etymology: perhaps akin to British dialect tumpoke to fall head over heels Date: 1967
To tip or turn over especially accidentally.

Function: Adjective

Function: Noun
Etymology: alteration of vermin
Date: 1539
An animal considered a pest; specifically : one classed as vermin and unprotected by game law.

Walking on a slant
Function: Colloquialism

War between the States; War for Southern Independence; War of Northern Aggression
Function: Noun
The Civil War

Variant(s): also wash·e·te·ria /wä-sh&-'tir-E-&, wo-
Function: Noun
Etymology: wash + -ateria or -eteria (as in cafeteria)
Date: 1937
chiefly Southern : a self-service laundry

Whup or whoop
Pronunciation: 'hüp, 'hup, 'hwüp, 'hwup, 'wüp, 'wup
Function: Verb
Variant of "to whip". To hit or spank.

Pronunciation: 'yol
Function: Contraction
Ye all or you all.

Yaller dog
Function: Colloquialism
A coward.

Function: Noun
Someone from the North.

Function: Contraction
Ye ones. Example: "Yeens better go before you're late."

Function: adverb
Etymology: Middle English, from yond + -er (as in hither)
Date: 14th century
At or in that indicated more or less distant place usually within sight.

Your druthers is my ruthers
Function: Colloquialism
"Your preferences are mine," "We agree."

(adapted from here)

Beatin round the bush

Need a smile? Use Hick to express them words that normally make ya winch:

Words for poo:

black banana, blind eels, colon cannonballs, corn eyed bottom snake, crapsters, the fourth teletubby, keester cakes, Mississippi mud, sea pickle, sewer serpent, rearsicles, bayoo slug (pronouced BAH-oh in Hick, bah-YOO in creole), yellow submarine, rump taters, tom cruise missile, toxic turdey, booty hole burnout, Montezuma's revenge

poo (verb)

cook some beans, christen the comfort station, clean one's rear, drop a chalupa, talk to a man about a horse, lay mud


cattle cookies, doggy sausage, dog logs, elk duds, land mines, lawn sausage


rear sneeze

the vajayjay:

poontang, cat flaps, furburger, bunky, coochie, muff, hooha, poonany, beef curtains, chuff, gash, fanny, cooter, bergina, hatchet wound, bearded oyster, hooch, panty hamster, bearded clam, minge, crotch, nooky, quim, snatch, mud flaps, poon, tuppance...

Synonyms for Hick:

bumpkin, cracker, clodhopper, cornfed, cornpoke, good ol' boy, hayseed, redneck, rube, yokel

Hick members of the KBH:

Uncle Jeebers, Brother Catfish, Colonel Goobers, Rastus Jones, Grits Moonshiner, Billybob Knox, Doctor Rob, Nachers Weir, Jasper Sullivan, Shep Roscoe, Trevor Beadles, Carland Hungus, Coondog Coe, Marland Grandles, Cousin Shamrock, Uncle Lijah, Swanee Rivers and more!

See how easy that was? In no time you'll be ready for your first KBH meetin.

[contributed by Uncle Jeebers]

*****The KBH*****

Related links:

Another good Hick reference

Hick machine translation

KBH slang

Method for talkin to Hicks from all over the world: Learn Esperanto! Esperanto, like many a European gibber, is based on Latin but is free of the pretentious horsefeathers that keep hardworkin men from participatin in serious political discussion. How is it that Gerald Levin of AOL-Tahm Warner decides what is proper English through that horrid, kosher jews service called CNN? No one wants to talk like one of them prissy wallstreet bankers anyways.


Who We Is
How to Join

KBH original Articles:

Yogic Hair

Are Sports Really Valuable?

One Continent Man's Sperm Test

Drugs vs. Prayer

Man vs. Woman

Porn Slave Epitaph


Killed by Their Woman

Becoming a Cow

The Mythopoetic Men's Movement

New Menation Cult proposed

China vs. India

Prudes are the Real Sexperts

Teeterin on TC?

Go Hang a Salami, I'm a Lasagna Hog!

Thoughts on Kids

How Faggy is Bodybuildin?

Macho Murder?

Cut-up Karma

How to Keep Your Stallion in His Stall

Health of Nations

How to Talk Hick

Re: Forums

Sex is Not Enjoyable

The End of Mankind

A Discussion Between Dr. Rob and Uncle Jeebers

Why Intoxicants Cause Spiritual Harm

KBH resources:

Pilgrimage List
Celibates List
Positive Lyrics
ॐ The Gospel of the Holy Twelve ॐ

External Links:
Srila Prabhupada
7th Day Adventism
Jesus was White [1] [2]

Try out the KBH lifestyle:
Forest of Peace
Or to live with KBH members contact us

Clean comedy:
Madogga: One of History's Biggest Dicks
Brian Regan [1][2][3]
Bill Burr [1]

More soulfood:

The Benefits of Vegetarianism

Subverting the Disney Legacy

Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross

Hoaxacre™ [1][2][3]

The value of silence

Cow Protection and its Importance to Society [pdf]

How Virility is Destroyed

Defiant Chastity

We Believe in Being Chaste [LDS link]

Statement on the Environment [7th Day Adventist link]

The Successful Politician Does Not Drink by George Washington Plunkitt

Who Built the Moon?
website and book

Website against vastectomy which gives clues as to how left-hand tantrists get sick

The crazy Talmud

What's up with Dinosaurs and Dragons? video by Kent Hovind

The Nephilim: the Sons of God

a couple of giants
Giants by Steve Quayle

From Crisis to Peace: How vegetarianism can save the world

Semen Loss as cause of disease: 1800's French European physician article

Swami Sivananda: The Horror of Semen Loss article
Preservation of Vital Fluid: Sikh article
Natural Health Videos By Magnus Muller
The Dangers of Mouth Breathing: pdf article

Mormons  against self-abuse:
article 1
article 2

Uncle Jeebers:
Against MGM and
Porn Propaganda Debunked

Spitual Warfare: pdf article